Heyo peeps, yeap as mentioned from the title. Will be summing up year 2009, as what I did every year on 31st December. So much things had happened this year and I would like to share it with all of you guys. There were sadness, depressions (serious), emoness, happiness too in my chaptersz of life. I've learnt many lessons this year and I definitely will not forget what had happened to me this whole year. Never. =)
Alright, ready everyone?! Okay. I'll start off from the begining of the year. Hmm, everything went pretty well in the begining of the year. Just as usual, I was an active girl busy-ing with college stuff, as well as party too. Haha. Unfortunately, something happened during the end of March untill end of May. And this incident actually affected my life untill I barely committed suicide. I'm serious. It was a nightmare for me. I will never forget. Its horrifying and devastating for me. Many of them around me were not so sure what had actually happened to me during that period. They said I changed. I changed from an active, cheerful girl to a sad, emo, not active girl. I didn't want to tell this out actually. But I've decided to say this out as a testimony that I countered during these 3 months that almost I'm close to the gate of hell.
So, what actually happened was I started for not getting good sleep each night from March untill May. I will woke up in the middle of the night without fail each night. Can u imagine a person repeating this same old "nightmare" every night for over 3 months?! Its was terrible, I guess I was seriously in a deep shit when I encountered this. At the first 2 to 3 weeks. I thought it might be I'm stressing over with exams so I couldn't sleep well. But even after my finals during semester 3 passes I still couldn't sleep well. During the breaks, I finally went to see doctor. Okay, this was the 1st doctor I went to. So according to the doctor, he said I was stress! So the only cure he can gave it to me was to go for a movie and go for sports to make myself relax and tired so i will back to normal. I tried for almost 2 weeks going out with my sis and frens. But sadly to say its still the same. I was abit scared already. I was asking God when shall all this come to an end?! So I went to see the 2nd doctor somewhere at pudu. The doctor asked me whether have I thinked too much. I said nope. Before that no, but not yes. Coz I couldn't sleep well which is really a nightmare for me! So the doctor gave me abit of pills to relax my mind. Ps: Its not sleeping pills ( doctors were not allow to do so ) So I took the pills everynight before bed. And yet still the same case. I couldn't sleep well!!!! ARGH!! I was so mad, scared and feel like going to die. I really dun understand what is wrong with me at that time?! I even finished the pills and dad took another packet for me. I was asking myself, I can't be relying the pills for me to sleep forever right?! Sigh. I even went for councilling in my church. Visited me few times that sister. Was very kind of her, had a talk with her. Thanks! =)
I started to give up everything that is infront of me. I started to skipped class coz I've got no energy to go. How can a person have enough energy when she couldn't sleep well each night?! So I went like so unenergized. I went like down and depressed and not active in class anymore. I used to talk alot with my coursemates in college and being a noisy girl in class. But everything seems like a 360 degress change to me. I was totally another Amanda. Just like my fren, ke sin said that Where is the Old Amanda that I first known?! I answered her, she is gone. The old happy go lucky girl is gone. I'm no more the cheerful Amanda. Something happened to me, thats why I've got this transformation. Which I myself too hated to be like this. Besides that I even stopped my singing practice in my church which I just started joined in worship ministry and I'm forced to stopped due what I was facing at that time that I barely couldn't sing. I looked pale and depressed. So how can I still bring people into the presence of God?! So I quit! I was so dissapointed which whatever in my hands and I'm loosing it one by one. Even I'm forced to give up hanging out with the one I like. That I ffked him and then slowly I guess he started to missunderstood me that I'm no longer interested in him anymore. I was so sad. I didn't want to be like this. I'm forced to be like this. I slowly dun talk to anyone, esp with my family. Once i get home I will just locked myself up in the room. I dun even Online or communicate with any of my family members. Just like facing this problem all by myself. I started to make my parents get worried and they couldn't stand my weird attitude anymore thats why I went for counciling. Things just seems to be serious, as I can sense that my body is acting weird with different symptoms I've got due to the unsufficient sleeps I have.
After that, finally I went to see the 3rd doctor which is the last doctor I went to. I went to puduraya there for specialist. I went to see the psychologist. Can u imagine?! I needa see this kind of doctor to get cure. As though I was crazy! OMYGOSH! Seriously couldn't except this.
Anyway, its a experience that I faced this time. It was kinda scary when i first stepped in there coz the patient there was like abit abnormal. Sorry to say that. I was doubting if I would ended up like them as well one day?! LOL! HARHAR! Not funny at all. So I went and see this doctor which is so different compare to the usual ones. He checked all over my body, using a stupid thing like hammer to knock my knee and so on. And then using a sharp stick to poke my leg. I was like OOUUUCH! WTH! LOL. So PIN TAIZ! But in the end I realized that he was actually trying to test whether I still got reaction anot throught those senses or receptors. SWT! Then he gave me few kinds of pills as usual, but this time i guess it was quite powerful one. I can slowly sleep back. And then slowly I try not to take the pills. So that night instead I do my prayer before I go to sleep. I prayed that I can sleep throughout the night without taking the pills. And so God answered my prayer. Untill now I can sleep back as a normal person. I sleep more like a pig now! Hehe! Praise the Lord. Thank God! So, I gues this might be a nightmare to me which ever this kinda of things happened to me. Maybe this is also a phrase that god is actually testing over me. Testing my faith upon him!? Hmm, its really a good testimony here. Lesson learnt : I will definitely appreciate each day of my life. I wont take things for granted anymore. I will be happy everyday eventhough how bad that day will be for me. I will try my best be cheerful even the last 5 minutes of the day. I can now enjoy back my old life. I'm back to the Old me. Perhaps another new Amanda with more experienced of the darkness of life. Hehe. I finally understands that Life is fulled of sadness and happiness. Its ur choice to decide to be happy or sad everyday. Never regret when something happens to u, before its too late for being so. I've learn my lessons, how bout u?! =)
Okay, after of 3 paragraphs of sharing the sadness of my life. So now its my turn to share about the brighter and happiness of my story. So, after the nightmare that I encountered for almost 3-4 months. Finally back to normal life. Slowly, I became the Old me. Busy-ing with college assignments, activities and so on. Eventhough my last semester's result wasn't really a good one. But it way beyond better than what i've expected! =) Thank God I pass all my papers! Give all the Glory to the Lord! =P I've promised myself that I will chase back my cgpa this semester that I will appreciate for enjoying my college life. Slowly too I talked back to my family members and contact back my friends. Untill now I'm so busy with MSN, SKPE, FACEBOOK, and not to forget my lovely BLOG! Hehe. Many activities that have been organised during the pass few weeks or months ago. Alot of birthday celebrations, outings, and so on with the Babes! and also my Beloved College Mates! =) I enjoy for being who am I now. No matter what happens the next minute, I promise I will not neglected even a minute of being happy. U decide whether to have a colourful life anot. It is only on ur own choice to decide to be. =)
Last but not least, I'm gonna say a BIG BIG BIG Thank You for my family 1st of all. For being understanding whenever I'm Down, Sick, or Happy. I'm Thankful too for my Babes who never fails to layan me even when I was in a deep shit few months ago. Haha! And I wana Thank too to my College Mates who keep supporting me and giving encouragements and also advices! Not to forget Thank GOD the most as he makes me realize that I should appreciate of what I've got now and not being greed anymore. I'm satisfied of who am I and What I've own now. A lovely family members, nice and cool Frens I've got in college, outside college and also in church! I'm thankful and I'm touched by all of you.
Not to forget, I was sad and hurt too. That I was kinda being turn down by someone I like which is since a long time already. That only few of my frens knew it. And a huge dissapointment and was kinda hurt eventhough. Coz I found out that He actually got interest with one of my coursemate and yet not me. So I guess he has given up on me since that time I din layan him. Sorry too for turning u down at that time. I got something happened to me, thats why I ffked u again and again. Just wanted to tell u I've never changed, I still like you untill now. But still I'm pretty proud of myself for being that brave in confessing to Him that I actually like him all this while. I thinked u guys shud try this instead, coz its better to confess it out to make urself better, instead of keeping it inside ur heart that noone will actually knows how do u feel. I tried and eventhough, we can't be one but We are still Best friends and I'm happy to have Him as my Best Friend, or as my laughing partner that keeps me cheer up whenever I'm down even just a sms. I was kinda happy coz I've not regreted for letting him know how I feel for him all this while and I thought I might be feeling akward next time when I sees him. But surprisely we can still be normal, Best friends! Thank You PIG! Most of my frens have asked me why him?! I said, its unexplainable coz if I can tell why then it wouldn't be love right?! I was asking myself too why him and not others?! He wasn't those type I like seriously. As I dun like guys who with specs wan and yet I dunno why I just like to be with him. whenever I sees him I will be happy. He can makes me laugh and laugh and laugh non stop. XD I can say he is a joker or a clown to me. Hehe. *Hope u dun mind me saying this * Anyway, I'm happy for knowing u Mr. K! I'll not forgets u once I leave Tarc, I've promise! As I said, u were the 1st funniest guy I've ever met! Thanks for being a friend of me! I appreciate it alot! =)
Ps: Eventhough I don't know how many more times that I may get dissapointed by you! Haha! But still I hope year 2010 onwards you will give me more excitement than dissapointed, my friend! Heeeheee"
A HUGE Thank You for those who wished my throught sms. The 40 smses really touches me and those who wished me in facebook and also for those who calls me and sang birthday songs to me. Especially, Mr PIG! XP I'm touched by ur birthday songs with different version and also for being the last who wishes me Happy Birthday. Ur 6 pages long of SMS I will definitely save it and keep it untill I gets old! Haha. Coz its really touched me. Thanks everyone too who gave me presents and face to face wished me Happy Birthday! I was thrilled, I was happy, I was excited and I was touched! THANKS everyone! I'm one year older as I'm officially 19 already and few more hours to go till I'm 20! WOW! Pretty fast huh! Haha. So, Thanks anyway and I'm not gonna say that I'm mature coz I'm just a one year older girl only. Hope I may experience more of the life in the future! MWAHS to everyone around me!
Last but not least, a very Happy New Year 2010! I prayed that the Lord will bless next year 2010 as a good year ahead for each and everyone of us! Health is the most important thing in life. Do grant all of us a good health and good body that keeps us healthy. While keep us with more wisdom and strength too that continue to walk faithfully in You O Lord. Bless us with the Happiness and Love from you O God, that we will receive the challege in our coming future that we will not be fear for You O God will forvever be with Us till the end of the world and also in Heaven. Amen!
Alright, I guess I gotto go now. Skipped my class for typing this long essay. Thanks for reading it! and CHIOSZ!!! Class ended already anyway, but adjourning for Bodyguard Assasins! Hehe.
BYE Year 2009 and Hi 2010!~
Oooopsss,
Happy Blessed New Year 2010 folks!
Yours forever,
[Amanda-Licious]
